Hey, Vin…

August 22nd, 2007 by Tuffy

How you doin’, Vin? Hey, what’s up?

Coo’. Coo’. What you been up to?

Naw, me either. Jus’ messin’ ’round, I guess. Dating a new girl.

Hell yeah. She’s pretty great. Makes me feel proud to be out with her. Good times.

Yeah, I hear ya. So you feelin good these days? Seein’ anyone?

No, man; no. Why do you have to get defensive? I’m just… no, I know I haven’t called for awhile, but I just wanted to say hi and see what’s up. You know, that’s what friends do. You don’t have to get all angry and sh…

…oh, so you heard. Yeah.

So. Did you know him? I mean, I know you didn’t play together and he was a lot younger, but…

Nah, I understand. It’s a big league. But… well… I dunno, man. I know you’re still fighting it and it’s not easy and I was just thinking about Dwane Casey, Eddie’s old coach, and how he wishes he could’ve just called that week and said hi and, y’know, maybe…

Good, man. I’m glad to hear you’re good.

…so hey, man. You wanna hang out this week? Maybe see a ball game?

Nah; s’cool, man. I’m busy, too. It’s alright.

Good to talk to you, too, man. Hang in there. Hey, gimme a call sometime when you’re not busy. We’ll do that ball game or something.

Bye.

Posted in basketball, nba | No Comments »

Ask Tuffy - Dress Like a Man My Son

August 19th, 2007 by Tuffy

Previously posted on DeadOn; moved here for posterity.

Dear Tuffy,

I have my first big job interview post-college coming up next week. It’s at a big office, so I know I have to dress up some. I’ve got a tie and dress shoes and stuff, but my dad wants me to go out and buy a suit. A tie and nice slacks should be enough, right? Do I really need a suit for a job interview or is my dad being old fashioned?

Overdressed in Oakland

Suspense ended: your father is right. While you were able to get through college with nothing fancier than your Al Davis Collection dress jumpsuit, it’s time to grow up, son. You need a suit anyway; take him up on his offer and become a man. A man owns a suit.

Besides, you’re going to need it again when your friends that are able to dress themselves get married and leave you behind by 25 to continue your perpetual childhood, playing with your Wii all night and drinking Schlitz while plotting the demise of the weekend manager at Circuit City who is totally holding you back because you don’t kick back part of your commission to him.

Avoid all that by purchasing the following: Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in ask tuffy | No Comments »

Ask Tuffy - Bite Me?

August 19th, 2007 by Tuffy

Previously posted on DeadOn; moved here for posterity.

Dear Tuffy,

I have a very serious problem; I need your help badly. See, I was gardening in the back yard the other day. I have these finicky orchids that are always dying, so I spend a lot of time out there. I’m out there working in the flower garden when I hear my neighbor struggling with a crate he had sent from his ex-pat son from Chile. So I head over and help him carry it in the house. (Turns out it was a bunch of books in Spanish about obscure Chilean history and food. Boring.)

However, while moving the crate, something crawled on my leg and took a chomp out of me. I swatted it off with my other foot and stomped the hell out of it, but it started getting pretty red and raw right away.

After a few days, I started to feel lazy all the time and not very hungry. I just wanted to lie in bed all day. So I called my doctor and went out to see him the next morning. He rubbed his chin and said “I see” a lot while he took pictures and blood samples and scrapings and I don’t remember what all else. He gave me this cream to make it feel better while I waited for the test results to return. It didn’t really help, but it was something.
Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in ask tuffy | No Comments »

Ask Tuffy - Trading Partners

August 12th, 2007 by Tuffy

Previously posted on DeadOn; moved here for posterity.

Dear Tuffy,

I want to turn out the lights with my boyfriend and tell him that the party’s over. It’s been wonderful, but it’s time to move on.

However, we’re both in an excellent fantasy football league run by his friends (separate teams) that I dominate every year. On the other hand, his teams somehow find a way to finish at the back of the pack.

How do I stay in the league and move on with my love life? I need to know soon so I can work on my draft with a clear conscience.

Keeper in Kansas City

Dear Keeper,
Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in ask tuffy | No Comments »

The Damaging Power of Prayer in Sports

August 9th, 2007 by Tuffy

Today in Tuffy History: I posted at Blogcritics about prayer in sports.

Posted in nonsense | No Comments »

Ask Tuffy - Zip It

August 6th, 2007 by Tuffy

Previously posted on DeadOn; moved here for posterity.

Dear Tuffy,

I found an old videotape in my parents’ video cabinet the other day where they had taped an episode of “Emergency!” off the television. (Apparently, my parents had a Mark Spitz obsession before I was born. This is a problem for another time.)

While watching the videotape, I saw this commercial for the Consumer Information Catalog in Pueblo, Colorado. Apparently, there was this place in the 1970s where a person could send a postcard and receive a catalog with a whole bunch of knowledge inside.

What was this place and what did they really do? What kind of information did they have?

Diving for Information in Delaware

Dear Diving, Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in ask tuffy | No Comments »