Today in Tuffy History: I posted at Blogcritics about Game Four of the 2007 World Series. Hopefully, my BC editors hired a punch-up scriptwriter to improve it.
Archive for October, 2007
World Series Game 4: Say Goodnight, Gracie
Sunday, October 28th, 2007You will be vilified. AT&T.
Sunday, October 28th, 2007“Hi, I’m Scott Boras. I was born in California and have my headquarters in Newport Beach. I went to school in Sacramento… hey, Prof, did you see this loophole in your syllabus? It entitles me to an A or your job, so maybe we can work out an agreement…”
“I’m constantly texting or calling my clients and prospective employers all over the globe to railroad, blackmail, or threaten physical harm to get my clients the best deals possible. Tom Hicks still tears up and runs from the room when he sees my number in caller ID.”
“I have clients in Anaheim, Chicago, Boston, Texas, and Japan as well as places in-between. I like to appear in World Series reports in Denver… hey, Ken baby… and prefer to mess with Bud Selig on draft day in lower Manhattan so I can see the new shade of red Bud Selig turns every time a first rounder holds out for three months and gets Dombrowski to pay the going rate anyway.”
“So I need a network that works where I live, a place called NewSacAnaAsPanColorFuckYouBudo.”
World Series Game 3: Tales of the Boston Red Sox
Sunday, October 28th, 2007Today in Tuffy History: I posted at Blogcritics about Game Three of the 2007 World Series. It goes on about and like a Michener novel.
World Series Game 2: Abracadabra!
Friday, October 26th, 2007Today in Tuffy History: I posted at Blogcritics about Game Two of the 2007 World Series. Also, Harry Houdini makes a posthumous prominent appearance.
World Series Game 1: The Long Goodbye
Thursday, October 25th, 2007Today in Tuffy History: I posted at Blogcritics about Game One of the 2007 World Series. John Williams figures heavily into the discussion.
Why God Wants the Boston Red Sox to Win the World Series
Wednesday, October 24th, 2007Today in Tuffy History: I posted at Blogcritics about divine intervention and the World Series (Red Sox edition). It’s only divine right come true.
Why God Wants the Colorado Rockies to Win the World Series
Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007Today in Tuffy History: I posted at Blogcritics about divine intervention and the World Series (Rockies edition).
Joe Borowski: A Fable
Sunday, October 21st, 2007Today in Tuffy History: I posted at Blogcritics about Joe Borowski and fishing. If this had gone badly for Joe, he might have been a key player in a remake of Anatomy of a Murder.
Discover Your Future at the Baby Bull College of Offshore Clubhouse Law
Friday, October 12th, 2007Have you imagined yourself in a school where skullduggery and deception is nourished and stimulated? Where all your whining can be referred to as “billable hours”? The Baby Bull College of Offshore Clubhouse Law in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, recognizes your passion to lift your profile and succeed, hopefully at the expense of your teammates and coaches.
At the Baby Bull College of Offshore Clubhouse Law, we provide law degrees* in Clubhouse Law with a variety of concentrations, from Sowing Discontent to Convicting Your Teammate in the Court of Public Opinion. We also provide extension courses in a variety of topics for beer league clubhouse paralegals.
“Come to the Baby Bull College of Offshore Clubhouse Law and learn all the tricks that got me six major league ball caps in the last eight seasons of my career!” – El Presidente Orlando Cepeda (the Baby Bull himself)
The campus, located on the expansive Alou family compound (legends in the clubhouse litigation business), offers state-of-the-art clubhouse simulators with real former beat writers and ex-managers to practice new skills and test theories on. Also, the scenic views and cheap bars allow you to practice your post-game exploits as well.
“I became beloved in the whole major leagues with the redeeming social qualities of a cockroach in the middle of the breeding process, all thanks to the Alous!” – Omar Vizquel
Our unique method of portfolio assessment puts in you a small group setting and forces you to convince the reporters and teammates that you are the misunderstood genius of the locker room because you like to read books without pictures and just need a fair shake. If you sell your point of view to the assembled while knifing everyone else in the back, you pass!
“It’s not just a name; it’s a way of life. Thanks, Baby Bull College of Offshore Clubhouse Law!” – Lawyer Milloy
Courses include:
- How to Tell the Beat Writer About Your Opinion and Make Him Think He Teased It Out of You
- How to Form an Opinion (remedial)
- Using the Internet to Extend Your Clientele (with Professor Curt Schilling)
- How to Avoid the Promotion to Clubhouse Cancer
- Make Your Teammates Pick Sides for Senseless Reasons
- The Boom Box: A Deconstruction (with Professor Kerry Wood)
- Your First Deal: How to Negotiate Your Trade Right From Your Locker!
- Clubhouse Ethics and How to Avoid Them
- How to Woo the Boss (team taught by Professors Jim Leyritz and Rick Cerone)
- Make Your Influence Larger Than Your Talent
- Woe Is Me: Trapped in the Losing Closet (Professor Carl Pickens’ tour de force)
- Coach’s Plan Made Me Look Bad, Not My Exquisite Hackery
- Race: The Only Card in Town! (with Professor Gary Sheffield)
- How to Turn Your Clubhouse Lawyer Pedigree into a Political Career (an honors course taught by Mayor Craig Biggio)
With a kitchen run by Master Chef (and 1990 graduate) David Wells and transportation provided by the Jeff Kent (1992 graduate) Agency, you will live in luxury’s velvety lap and get an advanced degree. Sign up now!
“With the Baby Bull College of Offshore Clubhouse Law, you can get into the Baseball Hall of Fame and the Clubhouse Lawyers Hall of Fame! I would have got there sooner, but Ozzie was holding me back…” – Frank Thomas
(Note: no financial aid available. Payment due before graduation; policy enforced by 1999 graduate Michael Barrett.)
*Law degrees only valid in Dominican Republic, Venezuela, and New York City tabloids
LeBron and the Magic Yankees Cap
Thursday, October 11th, 2007Today in Tuffy History: I posted at Blogcritics about LeBron’s Yankees cap. This will seem awfully esoteric in six months.
