Steve Kerr and the Shaq Question

February 6th, 2008 by Tuffy Posted in basketball, nba |

The revolution is over. Thanks for coming by. Please turn your pamphlets in at the door on the way out. You can keep your T-shirts with Don Nelson in a beret and wispy facial hair with the revolution’s thanks.

Suns President of Basketball Operations, General Manager, and General Secretary Steve Kerr has looked over the Suns’ roster and salary cap situation quite thoroughly and determined there is no way the team with the best record in the conference can win a championship as currently constituted. The solution? Shaquille O’Neal for Shawn Marion (and Marcus Banks), naturally.

No, Kerr does not have access to a time machine. No, there’s no recent advances in speed cloning. Yes, Kerr likely still has all of his faculties.

In fact, Steve Kerr is still the thoughtful, intelligent, and reasoned human being that took the job less than a year ago. He is capable of comprehending the world through others’ points of view and is not trapped in a traditional mindset.

With these assumptions in place, there is merely one question to address: what the hell?

Of course this trade makes sense for Miami. Miami Heat President and erstwhile coach Pat Riley’s team gets younger and more talented. Shawn Marion can opt out after this season, but he’ll sign an extension in Miami if Riley wants him and will cough up something approaching a max deal. Not only will Riley be able to pay more than anyone else, but it’s Miami. The one in Florida. With the South Beach.

Also, Marion would not be the star but would not be lost in the crowd, either. He’d get all the privileges and none of the responsibilities. In Miami. THE Miami. Yes, that one.

Should all of that fail, the Heat enter the offseason with serious cap relief. Pat Riley should fall to his knees (with padding underneath to avoid hurting his new hips) and thank St. Jude for coming through. Also, he should duck Larry Brown’s calls for the rest of the season.

There are also clear advantages for Phoenix. After all, they ditch that ridiculous Marcus Banks contract. Also, they get the player they want for the same contract length as Steve Nash, wrapping all their hopes in this move. Beyond that, it’s all roses on graves in Arizona.

Shaquille O’Neal’s role would be pretty simple: snag a few boards, block a few shots, play a little (and only a little) defense and free up Amare Stoudemire to play a traditional power forward position. Amare’s strengths have not been in those areas. Otherwise, just wave at all the little people running around Gulliver as he lumbers around.

Kerr has apparently concluded Amare’s not getting any better at those rather important tasks, at least not in time to help Nash. Amare has peaked at the age of 25. He is what he is: an amazing athlete and a decent if limited basketball player. All of the aspirations we injected into Stoudemire’s narrative were for naught.

By the way, Shaq’s injured now. (Sorry. A warning was probably in order. Take a moment.) (Okay, let’s continue.) The nearly 36-year-old Shaq played 59 games in 2005-06, 40 in 2006-07, and may not bust 60 again in 2007-08. When he does play, it’s under 30 minutes a game.

Therefore, Steve Kerr must believe what the snide have said for years: the regular season, on the whole, just doesn’t matter. Get in the playoffs in roughly the top half and battle for a few months. There’s a certain wisdom in this, but it invalidates the investment the serious NBA fan puts into the long season. Why should anyone get too involved until the lottery teams are identified?

In other surprising news, Shaquille O’Neal can move about 67,000 miles per hour. Unfortunately for the Suns, so can everyone on the Earth’s surface. Otherwise, Shaq’s just not running and/or gunning any time soon unless the perp gets a head start and the golf cart is fully charged.

In other words, the up-tempo offense is cute and all and a nice weapon to have in the ol’ repertoire, but real teams grind it out in the playoffs in Steve Kerr’s calculation. The beautiful game reintroduced to the league in the last few years and validated in large part by the Suns themselves can stop by in the morning to pick up its stuff; it’ll be outside on the US Airways Arena lawn. The old boyfriend’s back and he’s talking a lot of sense, y’know? It’s been fun, though. Always remember the good times, right? Friends? Great; ciao!

To recap: one of the NBA’s brightest minds has determined Amare Stoudemire’s not getting any better, exciting up-tempo offenses are gimmicky at best, and the NBA regular season is a pleasant money-making diversion. If Chairman Steve Kerr walks by your puppy, scoop her up before he can get his steel toe into her ribs.