Yes, officer. We’ve been watching Bill Smith come in here to shop for months. Usually, he just browses, which is what made us initially suspicious. People that just browse without buying every day for four months are usually casing the place. Y’know, checking where the blind spots are in the camera arrangement, seeing which cashiers are attentive to ticket switching, etc.
We thought we were in the clear when he paid full price for all those prospects in the New York apparel aisles, though. We did have li’l Timmy Kurkjian shadow him after awhile to let him know we were watching. After all, we have a lot of shoppers to keep an eye on and we can’t keep wasting time on one guy that doesn’t seem to be doing anything, right?
Then I’m watching the cameras today and damned if I don’t see Smith back in the store again. Before we can get anyone on the floor, he pulls open his oversized elastic pants, jams Livan Hernandez down the front, and yanks his huge coat down all the way. Then he tries to make a break for the door, real casual, right?
We start moving towards the front door and he spots li’l Timmy. He tries to run, but that’s a really big ticket item in his drawers. He drags his feet and gasps for air. Dude’s sweating like a sprinkler system just went off in his coat.
Still, we weren’t expecting him to move like that, so we were way behind him. By the time we got to the door, we thought we had him, but damned if Boof Bonser’s not waiting out front of the store for him in a pickup truck. Bill drags himself into the truck bed and they’re gone before we can even call you guys.
Yeah, I imagine we’ll catch him in July when he hauls Hernandez out to the flea market to flip him. Still, that really pisses me off. We could have sold him for $8m, easy. That’s gonna ruin our stats for the year.