Why We Watch - 2008 Houston Astros

March 17th, 2008 by Tuffy Posted in baseball, mlb, why we watch |

There’s 200 days or so of baseball to come this season and it can be quite intimidating to jump into the deep end of the baseball viewing pool.

To help, Refrigerator Logic is providing a list of reasons to watch every Major League Baseball team for the 2008 season. Anyone that’s read all the team lists should be able to pull up the MLB schedule on any day in early June and find reasons to enjoy any contest on the board that night.

Please join in the comments to add your own reasons. Tell everyone why your team is worth three and a half hours of their lives on any given day. Make us care and we’ll be there with a tasty beverage and an appreciation for what you feel each time your team takes the field.

Hunter Pence… AND AWAY!

Hunter Pence was riding through the deserts of West Houston last winter with new manager Cecil Cooper when Coop’s 1980 Plymouth Volaré broke down mysteriously, miles from anywhere. Also, their cell phones were dead and Coach’s OnStar just kept giggling at him. What on Earth could be happening?

Of course, it became clear quite quickly that nothing from this Earth was happening when the green glowing orb swooped down from the sky and hovered over the vehicle.

Coop’s radio crackled to life. “Coop! Coop, is that you?”

“Yeah… yeah, it’s me. This sounds like… is this Rob Deer?”

“Yeah! Yeah, it’s me. When my career died, the aliens took me aside and asked me if I’d teach them the Three True Outcomes. They decided to keep me around even after they realized the Three True Outcomes had nothing to do with physics. So I told them about you.”

“What? You… what?”

“Let me step outside.” A flash of blinding light washes over the car. When Coop finally clears his vision, Rob Deer is at the driver’s side door. Coop yelps, “Deer?”

“Yeah, you and Hunter there. I told them about how miserable your team is projected to be this year and all the trouble you and I went through in Milwaukee and how they should help you out. So they have.”

“… what? Aliens are helping… what?”

“Relax, Coop! Here. They made this uniform for him. Don’t worry; they made one for away games, alternate jersey nights, and throwback games, too. It’s got special powers in it. If he uses them properly in right field, he’ll be super this season.”

Coop takes the alien briefcase. “Uhm… okay.” He hands it to a stunned Pence who stammers a polite thanks.

“Now one more thing, both of you… don’t lose the instructions, okay? If you lose the instructions, who knows what kind of damage you could do without knowing how you did it?”

“Yeah. uhm. Okay. Thanks, Rob.”

“My pleasure. Now get on out of here; I’ve got to stop by Prince Fielder’s place to sew up a tear in his suit before we head back.  Goodbye, Cooooooooooooooooooooop!”

Another flash of light and Deer had bolted.  The ship disappeared; the car powered up; the men drove home silently.

Every Hero Needs a Villain

The Houston Astros will pay $93m in salary in 2008.

Take a moment. We’re good.

Yes, the Houston Astros will pay their talent $93 million in 2008. By contrast, Drayton McLane paid $102m for the entire team in 1992. By way of further comparison, that’s a stupid massive amount of money to spend on a 75 win team. Of course, if it’s a 75 win team in 2008, what success can it hope for when $66m in 2009 and $53m in 2010 are tied up in the same aged core because only one of the top 100 prospects in baseball belong to the Astros organization?

Besides bankruptcy protection. It probably doesn’t work that way anyway.

It’s a good thing heroes like Pence are around to swoop down in the nick of time. Who else is arguing with Edna about their cape?

Wait Up for Me, Robin!

One storyline perpetually missing from American comic books has to be the handover of power between boy wonder and established hero. According to the corporations that own our heroes, Americans prefer to have their intellectual property perpetually reboot and keep the same hero in place in fixed youth. (Jokes about the arrested development of the readership are not welcome; jokes about the arrested development of the corporate structure supporting this decision are encouraged.)

There are examples, though, that defy the norm. Barry Allen handed the Flash cowl to Wally West. Bobba Fett inherited his helmet. And J.R. Towles will accept the metaphorical mask from Brad Ausmus this season.

Towles is already the hitter Ausmus never was, projecting into a nice contact hitter with a bit of gap power. Also, he’s an impressive enough defender despite not throwing out huge numbers of runners in the minors.

However, filling Ausmus’ codpiece out involves more than play on the field. Ausmus struck fear in the hearts of runners with his reputation and kept his teammates on the straight and narrow through his perceived leadership. (Also, Ladies Loved Bad A.)

Assuming he’s allowed to simply handle the on-field responsibilities while Brad uses his backup role to support the young man, Towles should carry the mantle with broad shoulders this season. If not, maybe he can get Reed Diamond to stand in for him at press conferences.

When You’ve Got Superman, Anyone Else is Overkill

In the 1950s, DC Comics started to get a little cute with its stars to up circulation. This included tacking on rather unfortunate sidekicks for their superheroes.

Superman was saddled with the worst of the lot, even considering Bat-Mite. A semi-sentient dog named Krypto? A horse named Comet? A super cat? In theory, they were in the big leagues with Superman, but they were mostly there out of contractual obligation.

None of them remotely lived up to the Superman mythos, though, and were thankfully phased out when Superman got back to the gym and knuckled down about being a badass mofo. (Krypto’s back now, in case you were curious about Superman’s current status.)

In completely unrelated news, Roy Oswalt is the starting pitcher on Opening Day for the Houston Astros. There are other starting pitchers as well.