Ahab Has to Have His NL Central Whale

May 2nd, 2008 by Tuffy

Background:

Brewers pitcher Yovani Gallardo has torn a ligament in his right knee resulting from a collision near first base on Thursday, the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reported Friday. Brewers general manager Doug Melvin said Gallardo will miss an extended portion of the season and might need surgery…

Gallardo was injured in the fifth inning of Thursday’s game against the Cubs when he rushed toward first base to cover a slow roller… Gallardo stayed on the ground for a few minutes, but managed to walk it off and keep pitching, completing the inning and another before leaving. (emphasis mine)

Scene:

Visitor’s dugout, Wrigley Field. Fifth inning, 5/1/08. Gallardo comes up lame after covering first base.
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You May Want to Rephrase Before We Move On

April 14th, 2008 by Tuffy

“And I used to sit with (Manny Ramirez)… the benches here in Cleveland - you are able to sit on different levels and he would sit between my legs and I would kinda rub his shoulders and we would watch the opposing pitcher warm up and talk about how he was going to be attacked.”

- Orel Hershiser, 4/14/08, Monday Night Baseball

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Mike Hampton, You Crazy Kid You

April 3rd, 2008 by Tuffy

Did you say farewell to your friends and family? Run up your credit cards to the max? Have really regrettable relations with the closest person or people? Kill your nemesis in a brutal manner?

After all, you knew Mike Hampton was due to pitch tonight, mocking the baseball gods and threatening to tear the natural laws asunder. If we were lucky, he only pulled a Dravecky and a lucky fan would receive a unique souvenir.

Of course, Mike Hampton was scratched five minutes before his first throw in regular-season anger due to a strained pec incurred during warmups. Better go apologize to your dog for your inappropriately intimate actions a few hours ago.

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Uhm… you got a little… uhm…

April 3rd, 2008 by Tuffy

“Captain Wispy” doesn’t have the same ring as “Big Bobby”.

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March 31. All Day.

March 31st, 2008 by Tuffy

Dear MLB.tv,

It’s today now. Games start in an hour. I know you’re still technically on the level if you ship it at 11:57 pm ET, but I kinda wanted the new toy in time for today’s contests. There’s going to be a bit of a download glut now.

So, uhm, thanks and we love you and all, but gimme. Thanks.

Love,

Americans for the Right to Watch Six Baseball Games at Once on Our Computers Without Causing Them to ‘Asplode (ARWSBGOOCWCTA)

P.S. I know you’re working on it. Much love. Still… gimme.

UPDATE: Squee!  7 pm ET and the world is right again.  I will see all of you again in October.  ish.

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Flashback: Opening Day and Second Base

March 25th, 2008 by Tuffy

Previously in Tuffy History: Since MLB is open for business as of BFI a.m. this morning, I humbly link to my serious scientific study of baseball and breasts first posted in 2007 for those who are new around these parts. I hope to make both a yearly tradition.

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Why We Watch - 2008 Houston Astros

March 17th, 2008 by Tuffy

There’s 200 days or so of baseball to come this season and it can be quite intimidating to jump into the deep end of the baseball viewing pool.

To help, Refrigerator Logic is providing a list of reasons to watch every Major League Baseball team for the 2008 season. Anyone that’s read all the team lists should be able to pull up the MLB schedule on any day in early June and find reasons to enjoy any contest on the board that night.

Please join in the comments to add your own reasons. Tell everyone why your team is worth three and a half hours of their lives on any given day. Make us care and we’ll be there with a tasty beverage and an appreciation for what you feel each time your team takes the field.

Hunter Pence… AND AWAY!

Hunter Pence was riding through the deserts of West Houston last winter with new manager Cecil Cooper when Coop’s 1980 Plymouth Volaré broke down mysteriously, miles from anywhere. Also, their cell phones were dead and Coach’s OnStar just kept giggling at him. What on Earth could be happening?
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JUAAAAAAAN! *shakes fist*

March 13th, 2008 by Tuffy

Juan Gonzalez has a minor abdominal strain, slowing his attempt to return to the major leagues with the Cardinals.

Manager Tony La Russa said Thursday he scratched 38-year-old Gonzalez from the lineup card a day earlier.

Gonzalez, a two-time AL MVP who missed the last two years and had only one at-bat in 2005, said he was day to day.

Gonzalez felt a pull on his left side more than a week ago and has difficulty running. He has been able to take batting and fielding practice.

What? Really? Juan Gone has an injury that prevents him from running but allows him to field and hit? What’s all this? Holy no-fucking-way, Batman!

How could that be? How could González the Mighty and Uniquely Durable possibly break down just enough to avoid cardiovascular work when faced with the intimidating competition of Brian Barton and Joe Mather and a grueling two-day “road trip” against decent pitching staffs?

I can only hope that Tony La Russa can see it in his heart to let the old man stick around just a bit longer, considering La Russa’s overwhelming desire to be surrounded by youth. This is just so surprising and heartbreaking. I hope Cardinals fans everywhere can deal with the despair. Maybe there can be ice cream.

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Why We Watch - 2008 Chicago White Sox

March 10th, 2008 by Tuffy

There’s 200 days or so of baseball to come this season and it can be quite intimidating to jump into the deep end of the baseball viewing pool.

To help, Refrigerator Logic is providing a list of reasons to watch every Major League Baseball team for the 2008 season. Anyone that’s read all the team lists should be able to pull up the MLB schedule on any day in early June and find reasons to enjoy any contest on the board that night.

Please join in the comments to add your own reasons. Tell everyone why your team is worth three and a half hours of their lives on any given day. Make us care and we’ll be there with a tasty beverage and an appreciation for what you feel each time your team takes the field.

Welcome to Ozziewood

In honor of the rash of misplaced creativity represented by Dodger Idol, Dancing with the Red Sox, and Who Wants to Buy Me a Stadium Complex, Ozzie decided to organize his own competition to set the final roster this season. Enlisting GM Kenny Williams to be his dawg and coaxing Jay Mariotti out of the house to babble incoherently and lean on his shoulder for support in very public moments, the White Sox put on a show worthy of their talent level.

Of course, we can also glean the best reasons to watch the White Sox yodel this year while checking their pipes out this spring. Also, we can see whose most embarrassing moment involves trying to hit a baseball thrown by a major league pitcher. (We’re looking at you, Pablo Ozuna.)

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Why We Watch - 2008 Minnesota Twins

March 5th, 2008 by Tuffy

There’s 200 days or so of baseball to come this season and it can be quite intimidating to jump into the deep end of the baseball viewing pool.

To help, Refrigerator Logic is providing a list of reasons to watch every Major League Baseball team for the 2008 season. Anyone that’s read all the team lists should be able to pull up the MLB schedule on any day in early June and find reasons to enjoy any contest on the board that night.

Please join in the comments to add your own reasons. Tell everyone why your team is worth three and a half hours of their lives on any given day. Make us care and we’ll be there with a tasty beverage and an appreciation for what you feel each time your team takes the field.

I Admire Your Notion of Fair Odds

When Joe Mauer found himself besieged on all sides by Tigers and Indians and the Royal guard and very ill-fitting Socks, he set out to find a new band of brothers to help him defend his baggy village after losing so many compatriots over the winter. When he returned, he presented to the villagers…

Joining him on the field of battle are:

• Justin Morneau (the Most Valuable Bat-slinger) and Michael Cuddyer (the gent standing well behind the Most Valuable Bat-slinger on the field) - Two valued warriors from old skirmishes
• Delmon Young - Quick to anger; quick to love; quick to smash the hell out of the baseball
• Mike Lamb and Adam Everett - Joe Mauer knows what the brains in Toronto do: it’s bad luck to break up the left side of the infield, so always import them in pairs (from Houston, in this case)
• Brendan Harris - Sparring with Little Nicky Punto(™ Bat-Girl Enterprises) for a spot on the horse, he has the distinct advantage of knowing which end of the weapon to hold
• Jason Pridie - Can never be photographed

As Mauer knows from painful experience, it matters more who returns from battle than who you go to battle with. Yet each of these men will defend the baggy village with honor… at least until the first lousy home plate umpire rolls into town.
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