The rare Hampton spotted in the wild

August 10th, 2008 by Tuffy

Spotted in the on-deck circle just before spontaneously combusting.

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Poor metschick…

June 19th, 2008 by Tuffy

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Doing the Lord’s Work

June 17th, 2008 by Tuffy

Guess the location.

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Ice Machine - Old and Busted

May 29th, 2008 by Tuffy

Here’s a clear shot from the daily Ice Machine, with crystal blue linkage of stories that will refresh you during your lunch break (since this isn’t likely to be a morning feature for the next two weeks):

Normally, we provide multiple links in this space, providing a bit of a pick-me-up/simple distraction.  However, we can only think of one topic today, so we beg your indulgence: Doug Collins is the new head coach of the Chicago Bulls, according to the Chicago Tribune.  Yes, he’s also the old head coach before Jordan forced him out.  

We have come to a deeply disheartening view of the Bulls and of all Chicago sports we wish to share with you now.  We highly recommend sitting down and consuming a calming beverage of your choice before continuing.

To wit: The Chicago Blackhawks are the most innovative sports franchise in Chicago today.

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Men’s Magazines and the Women That Love Them

May 23rd, 2008 by Tuffy

We don’t mind that men’s magazines show athletes pumping up and flexing and so on.  We suppose there are pockets of athletic men that enjoy looking at other athletic men in four-color glory for inspiration of one type or another.  We thought that market might be more niche, but we’ve been wrong before.

But then we saw what Lady… SA purchased this week…

(We assume this is the page 72-73 spread.)

Goodness gracious.  ”Don’t think; have fun” indeed.

We love Curtis Granderson’s quick bat, flashy leather, huge smile, and local roots as much as the next person, but… my my my.  This really just comes out and says it, doesn’t it?  ”For those of you too ashamed to buy porn with men in it, we now give you ‘men’s magazines’.  Please feel free to explain to your friends that you were looking for gift ideas for your boyfriend or a new protein shake for your workouts.  Just keep the pages clean and no one will know.”

There’s more pictures at SA’s blog; they should keep some of you busy through the holiday weekend.  We’ll be back on Tuesday.  No podcast today or Tuesday due to holiday obligations (read: booze).  We might post between now and then but no promises.  And hey, let’s be careful out there this weekend.

Posted in baseball, media, mlb | 5 Comments »

In Lieu of Actual Entertainment

May 16th, 2008 by Tuffy

… here’s a song about waffles:

Actually, this is an excuse to shill for the Treehouse Fort tonight (8 pm ET) and mention that we’ve got a bit in this week’s Voodoo Sabernomics on Babes Love Baseball again.  Ken Griffey, Jr. is poked with pins until he ‘asplodes.

UPDATE: Camp Tiger Claw is on my list.  He knows what he did.  

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Sir? Remember Me, Sir?

May 15th, 2008 by Tuffy

Hello?  Hello, Mr. Piniella?  Hi, this is Matt Murton.

Matt Murton. 

Ma… yes, I used to play for you.  

No, not in Tampa.  In Chicago.  Remember me from spring training?

Yes, the ginger kid.  Anyway, I just wanted to check in with you and see if you needed my help for anything around the Cubs this week.

Oh, no reason, except I heard you just hired a dead man to start in the outfield for the Cubs.  I thought maybe you forgot about us down he…

No no, sir!  No, sir.  He’s not really dead.  It’s just… he’s not very good anymore.  He hasn’t hit for years and I think his defensive range can be measured by the specs on his Rascal.

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We’ll Take Care of the Nicknames, Thanks

May 13th, 2008 by Tuffy

Pictured here is one Nicolas Swisher, getting his fuzzy friend painted for Mother’s Day.  (Hey, we’re not here to judge.)  However, we wanted to take a moment to point out the bill of his cap.  He’s used some kind of gel pen to draw a cross and “D.30″ on it.  The latter is apparently short for “Dirty 30″, his self-styled nickname. 

People, this is why we are in charge of nicknames around here.  First, it’s not cool to assign yourself a nickname.  Second, when you do assign yourself a nickname, you give yourselves crappy ones like “Dirty 30″.  Honestly, “Dirty 30″ next to a cross may be the worst cross-promotional idea since G.I. Joe dated Barbie.

As the master of nicknames, Mr. Swisher, we will take care of giving you a new name.  Your new name shall now be… “Nick Swisher”.  Because you’re in the penalty box for awhile.  No nicknames for you until you’ve learned your lesson about self-naming.  You’re cut off.  

(Like that pink abomination on your chin.  We appreciate it’s for a good cause and all, but the last time we had something like that on our face… well, that was the one and only time we’ll ever attend a bachelorette party.)

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‘Nuff Said.

May 6th, 2008 by Tuffy

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Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston and Jeffrey Loria Makes Me Pee

May 4th, 2008 by Tuffy

Good God, is there no way that Jeffrey Loria won’t whore himself out for a dollar and a quarter?

A backdrop to the Marlins beating the Padres, 6-4, on Friday night was the shooting of a scene for the upcoming movie “Marley & Me,” starring Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson.

They shot scenes in the stands:

(H/t: Bugs and Cranks)

They shot scenes on the field:

Quoting again:

Players were leaving and entering the field but momentarily stopped as the two actors finally grabbed the dog and were whisked away. The segment lasted about a minute and didn’t interrupt the game.

Yes! Yes, it did! I was at a movie and a baseball game broke out!

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