Ice Machine - Pumpin’ Ice

June 5th, 2008 by Tuffy

Here’s a clear shot from the daily Ice Machine, with crystal blue linkage of stories that will refresh you during your lunch break (as you gnaw on cardboard to save money and raise the glue quotient in your body):

• A tip for Tuffy stalkers: We post in the morning for SPORTSbyBROOKS, give you a nooner here, and try to toss in an afternoon idea each week day.  Tuesdays and Fridays, we cast pods.  Fridays are also Voodoo Sabernomics days.  Tildes and golf posts come as we may.  (For example, see today’s Question of the Day.) We hope this helps you schedule your bathroom breaks accordingly.
• More on the RBI Baseball comeback.  We hope it goes better than Rickey’s.
• Chicago moves on in the 2016 Olympic competition that has absolutely nothing to do with sports and everything to do with money.  Just like how the IOC likes it.
• Mike Gottfried doesn’t owe us such a raw explanation of his charitable activities, but it’s refreshing nonetheless.
• Joe Posnanski boils down the problems with Presidential election coverage into one burning question: whatever happened to that apple salad I liked so much at Applebee’s? Ladies and gentlemen, that’s the best insight into the mind of a sportswriter you’ll likely ever see.
• We’ve been wondering this same question: why bother trying to be drafted into the NBA’s second round when you can go to Europe instead? Except we’ve been wondering, “why bother with one-and-done when you can get paid in Europe and skip college entirely”?
• Baseball nerds will enjoy this.  We watched the video at MLB.tv after reading this piece and agreed completely.
• Michael Kay interviews Snoop Dogg.  The cameras at YES must be industrial-strength to handle both stunning talents in the same shot.  We’re not sure if this blog has been rated as such by OSHA, so no video today.

And the Question of the Day ( ____ in ______ ): Can you fill in the blanks?

Posted in housekeeping, ice machine, question of the day | 2 Comments »

Ice Machine - Clouded Ice

June 4th, 2008 by Tuffy

Here’s a clear shot from the daily Ice Machine, with crystal blue linkage of stories that will refresh you during your lunch break (voted Best Ice Machine for 1934, 1976, and 2001):

• “Newest Club Drug: Preparation H”.  We did the same when we went for 12-hour World of Warcraft sessions, but we didn’t know we were trendsetters.  (We’ve said too much.)
• Chicago tries to make the cut for the 2016 Olympics today.  More on this tomorrow.
• Big Papi’s injury explained using Pikachu.  It works.
• Take a canvas bag to Beijing because it just became more strident than your local Whole Foods.
• Why do northern Illinois police persecute Bob Avellini so?  It’s not that he’s a drunk driver; it’s just hard to hold the wheel with stigmata.
• Make your “Moons Over My Hammy” joke at your own risk.
• Adam Frey is cancer-free.
• Your putrid image of the day: Sam Zell must get a weak little erection every time he thinks up a new way to outsmart the IRS.  That might explain why the tiny prick won’t shut up about his brilliance.
• And since this is our blog and we can indulge however we want, here’s video of Shawn Kemp at that tournament we pictured recently:

And the Question of the Day (which pre-supposes that Joba gets three days off between starts): Did watching Joba Chamberlain start last night cure your herpes?  Uhm… cause we’re just curious.  For a friend.  That we know.  Yes.

Posted in ice machine, question of the day | 5 Comments »

Ice Machine - Slushiness

June 3rd, 2008 by Tuffy

Here’s a clear shot from the daily Ice Machine, with crystal blue linkage of stories that will refresh you during your lunch break (going at two miles an hour):

• Generalissimo Doug Collins is still the Bulls coach.  Mostly.  Probably.  Jesus, it must be awful to stand behind John Paxson in line at McDonald’s.
• Rick Reilly, mysteriously available for a quote for a story about how he slayed malaria.  In other news, Rick Reilly starts next week at ESPN.
• Weegee wizardry found in Indiana garage sale by old women in Indiana.  They liked the trunk it was in.  ”…though how you could mistake a Weegee for a family photograph, I don’t know.”
• Everyone will soon stop dying of AIDS and malaria (thanks, Rick!) and will instead die of emphysema and this.
• Channing Frye, honey, stop watching Dr. Phil.  You’re killing us.  And the Trail Blazers.
• Yes, please.  Affirmed.
• And since the gymnast stories have already started filtering out…

And the Question of the Day (special guest reader: Mary Lou Retton’s haircut): How much sleep did you actually get last night after the triple-overtime thriller in the NHL Finals? We slept like swaddled babes, thanks.

Posted in ice machine, question of the day | 1 Comment »

Ice Machine - Cool, Calm, and Collected

June 2nd, 2008 by Tuffy

Here’s a clear shot from the daily Ice Machine, with crystal blue linkage of stories that will refresh you during your lunch break (for those of you on the world-famous Ice Diet):

• We’re going to love these commercials the first six times and then want to pound Rajon Rondo with our shoe for the rest of the airings.  We suspect the Finals will pretty much be like this in all facets.
• We’re also easily entertained by this John Smoltz happy ending profile by Steve Hummer.
• We know we’re supposed to care, but we get the joke now.  It’s not funny anymore.  If he wants to keep coming back, fine; we support him.  However, please don’t tell us about it anymore.
• We wrote for SPORTSbyBROOKS on Sunday.  The storied goodness is on the right.
• We see Kyle Busch’s helmet is as big as ours.  Now maybe we should return it.
• No, we didn’t know that about Johnny Damon, either.
• We’ve been trying for days to find a way to work this into one story or another and failed miserably, so here it is:

And the Question of the Day (sponsored by Jack in the Box - Killing careers since 1989): Which former athlete do you wish had lived up to his or her vaunted “potential”?

Posted in ice machine, question of the day | 4 Comments »

Ice Machine - Chillin’

May 30th, 2008 by Tuffy

Here’s a clear shot from the daily Ice Machine, with crystal blue linkage of stories that will refresh you during your lunch break (machine crafted ice at the fore):

• Some people would be too good here to settle for a Joe Paterno joke.  We’re not that guy.
• A third of the money made on NHL ticket sales comes from Canada.  However, it’s because of the strong Canadian dollar.  No, really.  Stop snickering, eh?
• The truly rough diamonds in the NBA Draft.  Don’t try to set these anytime soon.
• This one’s pretty much Chitown Chick fanservice.  No apologies here.
• The BBC is both bad and ass.
• Please, baby Rogge, save us from people that don’t understand American geography.  We’d like high speed rail, yes, and we’d also like a pony and a girl in a short skirt and a long jacket.  They can arrive as a set.

And the Question of the Day: When can we get this kid into O’Hare and put them at Hendry’s desk?

Posted in ice machine, question of the day | 3 Comments »

Ice Machine - Holiday Spritzer

May 23rd, 2008 by Tuffy

Here’s a clear shot from the daily Ice Machine, with crystal blue linkage of stories that will refresh you before you start your day (assuming you scored a four-day weekend, too):

• Kellen Winslow, Jr. has a youth football camp.  We’re one step closer to Michael Bay Sports Camp: Where we blow your kids up good.
• The Scream painting has returned from its thievery and damage, smudged but intact.  Now you don’t have to head down to the theater school dorm to see it.
• Why do you think Tony Parker speaks with this OUTRAGEOUS French accent?  (And why is Chris Paul dancing with his date?)
• This one’s pretty much Sussman fanservice. No apologies here.  (Well, Sussman and us; we will pretty much link to any story with Leon Durham in it.)
• Enough with baseball instant replay.  Enough with all instant replay.  We’ve already let loose with our screed on this topic.    However, we did like this bit of spiteful construction at old Yankee Stadium this week.  Very snotty and petulant.  We approve.

And the Question of the Day: When did we get so damned precious with our sports?  What’s with all this call for fairness and perfection and all that?  Was it the money?  Was it the television fame?  Was it the Black Sox?  We really have no idea here, but it’s causing us to chafe in our sitting place.  We’d love to know the answer(s).

Posted in ice machine, question of the day | 1 Comment »

Ice Machine: Clink Clank, Clink Clank

May 21st, 2008 by Tuffy

Here’s a clear shot from the daily Ice Machine, with crystal blue linkage of stories that will refresh you before you start your day (on this inaugural Chicago bank holiday):

• Light posting day today.  Please feel free to leave red and black streamers on the site until Janitorial  Services arrives.
• The new SI cover combines two of our unnatural passions: Rays and pencils.  Please enjoy.
• Leon Theremin was a badass in a time where badasses got crushed.
• This one’s pretty much J-No fanservice.  No apologies here.
• We needed this one.  We almost fell down this rabbit hole earlier this week. 
• Please watch this brief video.  No sound necessary:

Fairly dull, right?  Just a bit of Pong-esque on YouTube, right?  What if we told you that all of this happened on a space the size of a grain of rice and that little robotic figure is six times smaller than an amoeba?  What if we then told you it’s part of a Nanosoccer tournament?

You may now breathe again.  Carry on.

And the Question of the Day: Let’s get this party started in here.  Rose or Beasley?  The thought of Simeon’s finest playing in the city makes us giddy, but Beasley’s not exactly a slouch.  Hinrich’s only the answer if the question involves increasing turnovers or bowlcuts, but Gooden’s only there because who doesn’t love Dorie?

Posted in ice machine, question of the day | 4 Comments »

Ice Machine - Nooner, Anyone?

May 20th, 2008 by Tuffy

Here’s a clear shot from the daily Ice Machine, with crystal blue linkage of stories that will refresh you before you start your day (quickie-style):

• Blah blah no-hitter blah blah.  How about an inside-the-park home run by a catcher?
• Spurs-Lakers.  We don’t think the heels are supposed to fight each other.  Get Rewrite in here!
• Craig Biggio fills out another line item on his way to beatification.
• We are endlessly amused at the notion of a Chris Mortensen vendetta.  We can believe it, but it seems so flaccid on the vendetta scale.
• Hubris alert: Formula One driver’s house nearly burns down when his trophy case catches on fire.
• Finally: Gus Gus!  We don’t know much about this MMA business, though we’re trying to learn.  We don’t know the size or the consistency of the chunks that this EliteXC organization might blow.  (The name indicates golf ball-sized and gelatin-like, but we’re still here.)  However, we have hopes Gus Gus will add one more option to our Saturday night viewing this summer.  We’re running out of Hugh Grant romantic comedies.

And the Question of the Day: In light of the no-hitter and inside-the-park home run last night, what’s the most rare sporting event you ever witnessed in person?  We can claim a July 4th doubleheader that ran from noon till nearly midnight due to rain delays, extra innings, and the Chicago Cubs being involved.  

Also, we think we saw Shawon Dunston take a walk once, but we might have been on cold medication. How ’bout you?

Posted in ice machine, question of the day | 2 Comments »

Ice Machine - What’s That Rattling Sound?

May 19th, 2008 by Tuffy

Here’s a clear shot from the daily Ice Machine, with crystal blue linkage of stories that will refresh you before you start your day (assuming your day involves making bail after a game at Yankee Stadium):

• Chicago’s Olympic bid will approach $60m before a decision is made.  Y’know, for all that money, we bet one could put on a pretty big event in Chicago.  
• Is it just us or has this story not received any traction outside Chicago?  How can a rising star in baseball management circles allegedly skim off the top and only get a throat clearing from the national media?  Do they know something we don’t about this story?  (Full disclosure: Cubs fan but not Bud man.)
• Why we never buy into the “if you have nothing to hide, you’ll do whatever we want; otherwise, you hate puppies and heart cancer” argument.
• We can’t believe we’re saying this, but: Ryan Dempster’s pitching tomorrow!  Gotta see that!
• Oreos strewn across Chicagoland highway.  In other news, C.C. Sabathia is kicking himself that Cleveland didn’t travel to Chicago today.
• This was something of a shock to the system first thing this morning while preparing our SPORTSbyBROOKS pieces:

Yahoo!, indeed.  Whose idea was it to attempt market penetration in the online sports media space?  The mastermind behind this idea must be one slippery hombre.  Does this work on the pooch that Mike Brown screwed yesterday?  Why would we want to see more couples first thing in the morning?  At that time of day, we only care if it’s full of caffeine and/or works on our cereal.  Otherwise, please keep it off our desktop.  Thanks.

And the Question of the Day: What’s the most sadistic and/or wonderful song you can think of for a wedding reception?  (We’re pretty sure those are not mutually exclusive criteria, but your mileage may vary.)

Posted in ice machine, question of the day | 5 Comments »

Ice Machine - Party Ice

May 16th, 2008 by Tuffy

Here’s a clear shot from the daily Ice Machine, with crystal blue linkage of stories that will refresh you before you start your day:

• Don’t forget that our SPORTSbyBROOKS, Big Tilde, and In the Weeds stories (as well as Treehouse Fort shows) appear on the right of this page every weekday.  Feel free to subscribe to the RSS feed as well.  We don’t mind.  Not at all.
• Ask us why we don’t listen to much sports talk radio and we’ll reply that Ricky Williams’ mom spent 90 minutes on Internet sports talk radio this week.  Look, we *do* sports talk radio on the Internet and we want you to gently roll us out to pasture if we spend 90 minutes with anyone’s mom on the radio.  Even our own.
• An incredibly sweet story about Steve Garvey.  We’ll always grant you that Steve Garvey can be charming, especially to young women.
• Watch out, ESPN and Yahoo! Sports: you’ve got a competitor coming.
• This one’s mostly to piss off Sussman: Dan Dakich will get $175,000 to not coach a Big Ten team next season, on top of Kelvim Sampson’s $750,000.
• Must own items of 2008: The Andy Kaufman-Jerry Lawler action figures.  Great videos there for those of you under 30, but here’s another one:

And the Question of the Day as suggested by Nationals Journal and following our words on the subject recently: What are the rules on what jinxes a no-hitter?  In Nationals Journal’s case, does a blog post on the matter constitute a jinx?  After all, we did one, but we were careful to not use the Special Words.  This is wildly unimportant but fascinating to us, which makes it an ideal Friday question.

Posted in ice machine, question of the day | 2 Comments »