Ice Machine - Overflowing

June 10th, 2008 by Tuffy

Here’s a clear shot from the daily Ice Machine, with crystal blue linkage of stories that will refresh you during your lunch break (drowning in a sea of love):

• Thanks to everyone that joined Chitown Chick for UFC 85.  
• We won’t be able to travel to Vegas like said Chick de Chitown to see the U.S. Freestyle Wrestling Olympic Trials, but we recommend she take some time to visit Las Vegas Chinatown.
• We regret we didn’t have time to take a picture of the golf course we passed in Holland, MI, that received so much rain that its flagsticks were barely visible above the water line.  We don’t know how any sports were played in the upper Midwest last weekend.
• We will be buying the MLB.tv app for our iPhone in about a month to show off shamelessly at the Big Tilde gathering.  We will be the belle of the ball.  We will be drunk.
• She’s Keith Hernandez…’s daughter.  And she’s drunk.
• The Mexican soccer/Chicago Tribune/blogger version of Nelson Muntz.
• The Canadian sports television version of Nelson Muntz.
• The Sports Economist’s version of … oh, you know.
• And since Chitown Chick provides all the content for this blog while we’re away, we steal from her again:

We can’t stop watching it.  We don’t even like Usher.  It’s too much awesome for safe consumption.

Let us make love in this blog post to the Question of the Day (dirty Upper Midwest edition): Have you booked your ark reservation yet?  We’re regretting putting this off now.

Posted in ice machine, question of the day | 2 Comments »

Chitown Chick’s Bedlammic Liveblog of UFC 85

June 7th, 2008 by Tuffy

Posted in mma | No Comments »

Ice Machine - Mojitos for Everyone!

June 6th, 2008 by Tuffy

Here’s a clear shot from the daily Ice Machine, with crystal blue linkage of stories that will refresh you during your lunch break (not fussing in the slightest about that silly malcontent Castro):

• We’re going off the reservation for a few days starting tomorrow, but we’ll be back Tuesday.  We will not be at the Deadspin shindig, sadly; please make sure Leitch doesn’t have to buy a single drink the whole weekend.  However, we have purchased an all-silk ensemble for the weekend.  
• Please do us another favor; we’re leaving the back gate open for Chitown Chick to host a live blog for UFC 85.  It’s yet another event we’re sorry we’ll miss this weekend, but we encourage you to check back in Saturday starting at 3 pm ET.
• Speaking of, we don’t care about Evander Holyfield’s latest money woes, but check out the link itself.  When did SI reorganize its site to create an “MMA and Boxing” category?  When did boxing slide behind the UFC et al?  The world, she is different than when she first nursed me, non?
• We love ”I Spy”.  The article downplays some of the show’s strengths to make its point, but that doesn’t make it any less true.
• Look, if Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney can be a hit, why not Sandra O’Connor: Jammin’ Justice?  (We’ve already assumed it’s a rhythm game since the Supreme Court is now desperate to bring back the rhythm method.)
• Texas Gal always knows the real scoop behind Red Sox antics.
• Fascinating photo of a Korean airliner shot down by Soviets 30 years ago and new details therein.
• We didn’t get to play with underwater robotics when we were in high school, grumble grumble.
• A Friday doube-dose of vidiosity.  First, a fascinating peek back into television sports journalism and a long-ago time that the Royals did not blow:

• And now how we hope to spend our weekend:

Let us shuffle our feet to the Question of the Day (visiting us on a humanitarian visa today): How will you put the lime in the coconut this weekend?

Posted in housekeeping, ice machine, mma, question of the day | 1 Comment »

Weighty Problem with NBA Coaches

June 5th, 2008 by Tuffy

Color us dense, but we noticed something recently on Pro Basketball Reference while researching The Fall of Flip that we found rather striking: Flip Saunders has a height and weight listing under his coaching profile.  (5′11″, 175 lbs. for those of you counting at home.)  We couldn’t believe it.  This is important information about the coach?  Is there a weigh-in day for coaches where George Karl strips to his boxers and wiggles onto the scale?  (”Okay… minus the 12 oz of Schlitz in his hand, he’s 6′2″, 185 lbs.… George, put the other foot on the scale.  Seriously.”)

We kept checking randomly.  Only some coaches have measurements.  Allan Bristow, Kevin Loughery, John Lucas, Bill Fitch - yes.  Frank McGuire and Jim Boylan - no.  Okay, we figured: it’s bleeding through from their player profiles when they were pros.  Except, of course, Fitch and Saunders never played in the pros.  So maybe college stats?  But why track college stats of men that never played in the pros? We’re not sure.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in basketball, nba, nonsense | No Comments »

Ice Machine - Pumpin’ Ice

June 5th, 2008 by Tuffy

Here’s a clear shot from the daily Ice Machine, with crystal blue linkage of stories that will refresh you during your lunch break (as you gnaw on cardboard to save money and raise the glue quotient in your body):

• A tip for Tuffy stalkers: We post in the morning for SPORTSbyBROOKS, give you a nooner here, and try to toss in an afternoon idea each week day.  Tuesdays and Fridays, we cast pods.  Fridays are also Voodoo Sabernomics days.  Tildes and golf posts come as we may.  (For example, see today’s Question of the Day.) We hope this helps you schedule your bathroom breaks accordingly.
• More on the RBI Baseball comeback.  We hope it goes better than Rickey’s.
• Chicago moves on in the 2016 Olympic competition that has absolutely nothing to do with sports and everything to do with money.  Just like how the IOC likes it.
• Mike Gottfried doesn’t owe us such a raw explanation of his charitable activities, but it’s refreshing nonetheless.
• Joe Posnanski boils down the problems with Presidential election coverage into one burning question: whatever happened to that apple salad I liked so much at Applebee’s? Ladies and gentlemen, that’s the best insight into the mind of a sportswriter you’ll likely ever see.
• We’ve been wondering this same question: why bother trying to be drafted into the NBA’s second round when you can go to Europe instead? Except we’ve been wondering, “why bother with one-and-done when you can get paid in Europe and skip college entirely”?
• Baseball nerds will enjoy this.  We watched the video at MLB.tv after reading this piece and agreed completely.
• Michael Kay interviews Snoop Dogg.  The cameras at YES must be industrial-strength to handle both stunning talents in the same shot.  We’re not sure if this blog has been rated as such by OSHA, so no video today.

And the Question of the Day ( ____ in ______ ): Can you fill in the blanks?

Posted in housekeeping, ice machine, question of the day | 2 Comments »

Days Numbered for Google’s Challengers in Sports Realm

June 4th, 2008 by Tuffy

Dan Shanoff is completely right.  (Dan Shanoff now owes us a Coke.)

(This one’s for you, Dan.)

Google’s getting into the sports information business and Shanoff notes the true value of doing so:

When my Gmail email app and my Gtalk IM app and my Google Alerts and my Google Docs and my Google News updates are all working seamlessly in a fantasy app, that’s It.

Which, honestly, someone could do (for the most part) right now with Google APIs, but it’s not quite the same as Google doing it for us.

Beyond that, though, Google’s jones for extensibility will push the envelope on fantasy automation and change the face of fantasy sports.  Imagine this:

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Ice Machine - Clouded Ice

June 4th, 2008 by Tuffy

Here’s a clear shot from the daily Ice Machine, with crystal blue linkage of stories that will refresh you during your lunch break (voted Best Ice Machine for 1934, 1976, and 2001):

• “Newest Club Drug: Preparation H”.  We did the same when we went for 12-hour World of Warcraft sessions, but we didn’t know we were trendsetters.  (We’ve said too much.)
• Chicago tries to make the cut for the 2016 Olympics today.  More on this tomorrow.
• Big Papi’s injury explained using Pikachu.  It works.
• Take a canvas bag to Beijing because it just became more strident than your local Whole Foods.
• Why do northern Illinois police persecute Bob Avellini so?  It’s not that he’s a drunk driver; it’s just hard to hold the wheel with stigmata.
• Make your “Moons Over My Hammy” joke at your own risk.
• Adam Frey is cancer-free.
• Your putrid image of the day: Sam Zell must get a weak little erection every time he thinks up a new way to outsmart the IRS.  That might explain why the tiny prick won’t shut up about his brilliance.
• And since this is our blog and we can indulge however we want, here’s video of Shawn Kemp at that tournament we pictured recently:

And the Question of the Day (which pre-supposes that Joba gets three days off between starts): Did watching Joba Chamberlain start last night cure your herpes?  Uhm… cause we’re just curious.  For a friend.  That we know.  Yes.

Posted in ice machine, question of the day | 5 Comments »

Small Racing Teams Almost Gassed Out

June 3rd, 2008 by Tuffy

We have a friend.  (No, it’s true.  Our check cleared this month.)  This friend dislikes auto racing vehemently.  This friend does not mind the dullard nature of certain races.  This friend does not care much about the violent nature of the crashes.  This friend doesn’t even mind the inequities in auto racing that lead to a few teams dominating the racing circuits far more so than the Yankees could ever dream of.

No, this friend finds auto racing abhorrent because they’re burning too much fuel out there.  Don’t they know we’re in a crisis?  

As it turns out, they do.  Many of the short-trackers across this great and wasteful land are feeling the pinch of $4 diesel and $8.25 racing fuel and either limiting their races or bailing entirely.  Families may stop coming to the track to save money.  People may be forced to… we dunno… drive to jobs instead of driving to the track.

(We haven’t heard our friend’s opinion on eating contests yet because we opted for the “three conversations a week” plan, but we’re sure our friend is against eating, too.)

A-ha.  Ol’ Tuffy’s got a solution for the problem, though:

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in auto racing | No Comments »

Ice Machine - Slushiness

June 3rd, 2008 by Tuffy

Here’s a clear shot from the daily Ice Machine, with crystal blue linkage of stories that will refresh you during your lunch break (going at two miles an hour):

• Generalissimo Doug Collins is still the Bulls coach.  Mostly.  Probably.  Jesus, it must be awful to stand behind John Paxson in line at McDonald’s.
• Rick Reilly, mysteriously available for a quote for a story about how he slayed malaria.  In other news, Rick Reilly starts next week at ESPN.
• Weegee wizardry found in Indiana garage sale by old women in Indiana.  They liked the trunk it was in.  ”…though how you could mistake a Weegee for a family photograph, I don’t know.”
• Everyone will soon stop dying of AIDS and malaria (thanks, Rick!) and will instead die of emphysema and this.
• Channing Frye, honey, stop watching Dr. Phil.  You’re killing us.  And the Trail Blazers.
• Yes, please.  Affirmed.
• And since the gymnast stories have already started filtering out…

And the Question of the Day (special guest reader: Mary Lou Retton’s haircut): How much sleep did you actually get last night after the triple-overtime thriller in the NHL Finals? We slept like swaddled babes, thanks.

Posted in ice machine, question of the day | 1 Comment »

Video of Aliens Found: Refrigerator Logic Exclusive!

June 2nd, 2008 by Tuffy

Apparently, the same yutz that wants to start a special city commission in Denver to track and prepare for the the coming alien menace has video of an alien peering through a window of a rural Nebraska home a few years ago:

We, of course, see an uptick in Punisher T-shirts sold in rural Nebraska a few years ago and a trespassing charge for watching teenage girls undress in their own homes.  

(Considering the demographics of this blog, we expect that young man is reading now.  Hey, Ryan!)

We’re, howyousayinyourhumantongue… unconvinced.

However, this may also be because we have seen video evidence of alien life ourselves with much more clarity than any grainy CCTV footage could provide.  We have brought this video to you at great personal risk from a powerful cabal whose sole purpose is to prevent us from delivering this to you.  Look quickly before it disappears forever, along with us:

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Posted in nonsense | 4 Comments »