Pictured here is one Nicolas Swisher, getting his fuzzy friend painted for Mother’s Day.  (Hey, we’re not here to judge.)  However, we wanted to take a moment to point out the bill of his cap.  He’s used some kind of gel pen to draw a cross and “D.30″ on it.  The latter is apparently short for “Dirty 30″, his self-styled nickname. 

People, this is why we are in charge of nicknames around here.  First, it’s not cool to assign yourself a nickname.  Second, when you do assign yourself a nickname, you give yourselves crappy ones like “Dirty 30″.  Honestly, “Dirty 30″ next to a cross may be the worst cross-promotional idea since G.I. Joe dated Barbie.

As the master of nicknames, Mr. Swisher, we will take care of giving you a new name.  Your new name shall now be… “Nick Swisher”.  Because you’re in the penalty box for awhile.  No nicknames for you until you’ve learned your lesson about self-naming.  You’re cut off.  

(Like that pink abomination on your chin.  We appreciate it’s for a good cause and all, but the last time we had something like that on our face… well, that was the one and only time we’ll ever attend a bachelorette party.)